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A Dahl’s House

September 15, 2011

ROALD DAHL’S WRITING HUT, the place where he created the characters that made most of us care about reading in the first place, is falling apart and needs to be moved. The public, however, remains unmoved by the pleas Dahl’s family has made for funds to back the preservation effort. Many people have wondered aloud why the money his books continue to generate can’t be used to save the place where the books themselves were generated.

Ian Crouch writes in the New Yorker:

It could all be a plot point from one of Dahl’s books: a boy’s magic hideout is discovered by adults, who proceed to squabble over what it is worth, who should own it, and how it can best be put to “public use.” (The dippy adults would undoubtedly receive various comeuppances.)

After some thinking, I propose the following possible solutions:

  •  Big Friendly Giant movers.
  • Ask witches to temporarily shrink the house into a mouse for easy carrying. Other alternatives include capturing it in a painting and moving the painting.
  • Have a family of foxes dig up through the ground floor one night and carry the hut piece-by-piece to the closest museum.
  • If lots of seagulls can move a giant peach, they can move a house.
  • Find a telekinetic bookworm and get her to move it.
  • Multiple scenarios that would end up with nasty consequences for wicked spinster aunts and mean step-parents.
  • Ask Harry Potter to help, since he probably wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for Roald Dahl.

These, of course, are just ridiculous flights of fancy. Everyone knows they should just move it with Wonkavision.

The comments space is open and waiting for your ideas…

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. Alana Davis permalink
    September 15, 2011 11:56 am

    Perhaps you could place a dead rat in someone’s candy jar and frighten them into helping with the move?

  2. Mike permalink*
    September 17, 2011 4:56 pm

    Get Tim Burton and Johnny Depp to build a creepy and awful remake of Dahl’s cottage, so people will be reminded of how awesome the original is and want to save it.

  3. September 25, 2011 2:18 pm

    Apparently Kanye West likes Roald Dahl. Here is the beginning of one of Dahl’s poems, “Cinderella” from Revolting Rhymes:
    “I guess you think you know this story.
    You don’t. The real one’s much more gory.
    The phoney one, the one you know,
    Was cooked up years and years ago,
    And made to sound all soft and sappy
    Just to keep the children happy.”

    Sound familiar? If not, listen to the intro to Kanye’s “Dark Fantasy”

    • Mike permalink*
      September 25, 2011 2:32 pm

      So maybe they could save the house with royalties from Kanye West?

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